Delain - April Rain

Rating: 0.0

Country: Netherlands

Genre: Gothic/Symphonic/Power Metal

Release Date: 2009

Track list:
1. April Rain
2. Stay Forever
3. Invidia
4. Control The Storm
5. On The Other Side
6. Virtue And Vice
7. Go Away
8. Start Swimming
9. Lost
10. I'll Reach You
11. Nothing Left

Total playing time 45:42

Band Website: Delain

Delain - April Rain

Charlotte Wessels - vocals
Ronald Landa - guitars, vocals
Martijn Westerholt - keyboards
Rob van der Loo - bass
Sander Zoer - drums

Writing for DC, it's not every day I receive an album from a band that might earn praise from Kerrang or Revolver, so I'll try putting this as professionally as possible: April Rain is a 10,000 megaton, cuntshitting fuckmissile of harping, gothic mediocrity. And like any flavor of the month shitdish, this album is inexplicably getting some positive reviews, so why not take a look at some of the buzz before getting down to things? "Tracks like the powerful opener April Rain or the speedy Go Away might attract even the most critical Nightwish fan," gushes the confused German zine Rock Hard, oblivious to the fact that "the most critical Nightwish fan" is a title that belongs right next to that of "the most humanistic holocaust enthusiast."

As with all sappy, melodramatic power/gothic metal bands, all attention is on the singer; fully aware of this, Delain made sure to find a vocalist who sounds just like every other soprano Tarja wannabe in the business. I've never been a fan of vocalists satisfied with merely assuming the role of "angelic" contrast to aggro thud thud riffing, but singer Charlotte Wessels isn't entirely at fault; the music she croons over is so uncompelling and bare that she often seems to struggle to locate any sort of potential vocal hooks in it, and instead just wings it with insipid falsetto trills that go nowhere until the singalong chorus. And of course, slightly more visceral male singing and cookie monster vocals are present in order to emphasize the antagonism of certain lyrics, because god forbid the lead vocalist of a female-fronted metal band learn to adopt any tone other than "somewhat enchanted & wistful."

Ever wonder why gothic/power metal hybridization like this is so common? Because the two genres are easily compatible in their dependence on verse/chorus pop rock standards, so combining them just tends to boil down to how tastelessly the band in question balances gloom and cheese. Lyrically this album is pretty thick on the former; most of these songs are nondescript anthems of inner turbulence, drawn cynically vague in order to remain as widely relatable as possible, yet at least semi-literate until the vocalist starts babbling nonsensical lines like "stay forever is never again" and "throw down your arrows / they won't cause flaming hearts." Va? The bombastic power metal keyboard eloquations are even more jarring, as they'd be more at home in an Ensiferum album or something than in a parade of pseudo-poetic angst like April Rain.

Mainstream metal is all about keeping up with the Joneses in terms of polish, so overproduction is an inevitability; and in proud power metal tradition, Delain insist upon draining the humanity out of each and every chorus with a superfluous degree of overdubbing. If you could honestly say you wouldn't give your right nut to be able to teleport to Germany and bitch-slap Hansi Kürsch with a stray bratwurst for starting this nonsense, you're a better man than I.

It's not that Delain are a low-tier band for what they are--it's just that what they are has only ever been a way to make money off pallid teenage girls with no artistic standards. Like all the other Nightwishes, Evergreys, Lacuna Coils, Evanescences, Within Temptations and The Gatherings of the world, the only thing Delain achieves is wasting talent on pretentious, image-based pop, and therefore they will never be part of the solution until they voluntarily ride a rocket into the Sun.

June 21, 2009