Cremaster - Pumpernikel cover artwork

Rating: 7.1

Country: Poland

Release Date: 2007

Track list:
1. Stairway to Snot 02:32
2. Hellvis Presley 02:53
3. Chocolate Daemon 01:56
4. Dentist the Sadist 02:57
5. Child in Clock 02:12
6. New Kids on the Cock 01:28
7. Long Live Grind'n'roll 03:01
8. Zos Daewoo Cultus 01:16
9. Dirty Danzig 01:46
10. Non Opus Gay 02:10
11. Diabolous in Vatican 02:09
12. Jailbreak 03:36
13. Diabolical Fullsun Hedonism 01:51
14. Bohemian Rap-city 01:53
15. The Dark Side of the Side of the Dark 02:06
16. Spread (Scream & Shout) 02:20
17. David Lee Gorgo-roth 01:43
18. Fear of the Pork 02:22
19. Killed by the Hammer of Steel of the Ring of the Dragon of Metal of the Mighty Warrior's Sword 02:21

Total playing time 42:32

Band Website: Cremaster

Cremaster - Pumpernikel

Badhed - drums
Grze� - guitars
£ysy - vocals
Monter - bass

Hadn't heard Cremaster ‘til now and bein' a cynical twat-face, I'd never thought I ought to make the effort to seek out their works. However, one skim through those song-titles ("Chocolate Daemon", "David Lee Gorgoroth" …hahahaha!) and a brief scan of their MySpace photo album would suggest that I've actually been missin' out on some rather entertaining music, ‘cos Cremaster is a cheerfully daft project involvin' a group of larger-than-life eccentrics with an enormous sense of humour! This silliness permeates their music, which somehow combines intoxicated old skool Thrash with comical good-time Porno/Gore, also addin' a dash o' modern day Czech-style Mallgrind and a bit o' old skool Swedish Death, the outcome of which bein' a party-ready, BBQ-friendly Grind ‘n' Roll record! They also have a giggle at the expense of Black Metal (the prime target being [unavoidably] Immortal, on "Diabolical Fullsun Hedonism"), Power Metal (the ridiculous closin' number), and even themselves (on the chuckesome "Long Live Grind ‘n' Roll", which sees them sing-along to their oompha-beats with oompha-vox!).

I daresay everyone knows to be wary of Comedy/Noveltygrind albums, ‘cos they can often offer little more than an under-produced, under-rehearsed heap o' aimless cack, hastily composed, sloppily executed and resultin' in the kind o' hilarity that is confined solely to the band personnel. You needn't worry about any o' that if you listen to Cremaster though, ‘cos they possess well-rounded musicianship, fairly sound songmanship and charmin' comedianship. That's enough ships for now. So, what instruments are on it, and what do they sound like? Well, the drums and guitar provide an extremely comfortable bed o' thuds, rattles, chugs ‘n' licks upon which all manner of drunken vokill daftness is ungracefully sprawled. There's some fairly high velocity performance here, with a lot o' clangy blast and high-speed string-abuse but, ‘cos it's Grind and Roll, there's almost twice as much ass-wigglin' groove, head-bobbin' catchiness and heads-down chuggedy fun, along with a splash o' piercin' solo-shredment and some downright absurd stabs at melody! You'll also find quite a few bits ‘n' bobs cheekily plagiarized from classick Hard Rock (must keep that loose term under control), then fed thru the silly Cremaster shredder. The eclectic guitarwork genre-mashery is easily equaled by the vokills, which include slurrin' raspy rants, slobbery growls, bile-imbued snarls, bilious croonin', soarin' clean vox, ridiculous squeals and even a bit o' comical spoken word! In order to prevent Pumpernikel from descendin' into a tuneless, ham-fisted heap o' impetuous grab-bagment, Cremaster deliver their tunes with a good balance o' carefree humour ‘n' tight focus, ensurin' that the different styles follow on in an effective manner, creatin' a multi-coloured work that comes across as both unpredictable and entertainin'! For me, the vox keep things doubly as interestin', switchin' deftly between the styles mentioned above, addin' much richness and diversity to the work, often managin' to shove a selection of them back to back within the same verse!

Now then, to this torn-eared reviewer, a lot o' this stuff sounds like it's been built upon a foundation o' classick Swedish stuff like Grave or good ol' Entombed, and some very old Sepultura, from way back when they played a venomous fusion o' Thrash ‘n' Death Metal, and didn't pilfer riffs from Munky or Head. There's a bit o' GWAR splashed about the place, it seems. We've also got a fair bit o' vintage Pungent Stench, so expect to slip over in a in a noxious pool o' dirty polka rhythms whilst at a dingy S&M club, whilst squiffy members o' Mucupurulent, and a few o' the boys from Blood Duster get rowdy over in the corner, pointin', jeerin' and guffawin' at you sprawled on the gelatinous floorboards. A few o' the voks also reminded me of those on the last Terrorizer album, whilst others sounded slightly akin to the pseudo-croon of Cathedral groove-evangelist Lee Dorrian on something like Supernatural Birth Machine. You can also easily hear more than a few down-tuned, sports-wear clad slabs o' the Nu Grind sound with which the Czech scene is currently suffused; so expect somethin' similar to recent Cerebral Turbulency, Alienation Mental and Pigsty. Their sense o' humour is of course a key element here, so I was often reminded of standard silliness like Gronibard, perhaps some stuff by Green Beret, and maybe a splash or two o' Birdflesh.

Just recently I've been tryin' to put my oft corpulent reviews on a diet, and I think the production critique could do with sheddin' a few of its usual layers o' lard, so I'll just say that the sound quality is of at a good level o' clarity, but with more than enough filth caked all over it to keep any kind o' polished gleam at bay, and leave it at that!

So, if you've got quite an open-mind when it comes to extreme music, with a sense o' humour that can appreciate a humourous combination o' its various elements delivered in a comical format, then you ought to get a fair few enjoyable spins out o' this. Good fun.

March 17th, 2007